Category Archives: inspiration

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Creating with Intention, Acting with Commitment

February 28, 2013 – 12:16 pm

look downstairs into stairwell whirl 300x225 Creating with Intention, Acting with CommitmentI have been thinking about the relationship between intention and commitment. I am often working with people on taking their intentions, for example to be more grounded, and then turning that intention into a set of commitments that will support that outcome. Commitment precedes accountability and since it’s my job to hold people accountable to specific actions I tend to focus on breaking the intention down into concrete steps. However, I was recently reminded of the importance and power of intention.

Last week I heard one of my friends tell someone that she had been intentionally deepening her relationships over the last year. The comment really hit me because after she said it I realized how true that actually was. I can honestly say that there has been a noticeable shift in how she approaches her relationship with me. It’s not that the texts, the calls, the facebook messages, or the times that we’ve hung out together have dramatically changed in frequency but there is a quality to it that makes me feel more valued and cared for. The intention that she has to deepen her relationships has opened me up to reciprocate in kind and as a result I get so much more from our interactions and hopefully she does too.

I am clear that when I use the word commitment I’m talking about something that is actionable, measurable, specific, and ambitious but not everything is meant to be broken down into action steps in that way. Setting the intention to develop your relationships means you can find all sorts of ways to do that, it can be a difference in your attitude, the way you listen, the way you interact, how you walk into a room, all of which are not commitments to be made but still result in noticeable shifts. You can make commitments around it or not, but still the intention is there.

I’m loving the interplay of these two concepts because we need both tools to manage the steps and hold the space for growth to take place. For example my intention may be to inspire and nurture growth whereas my commitment is to write once a week about what I’m thinking, learning, reading, or am inspired by. I honestly hadn’t given much thought to my intentions because I am more focused on my commitments, but identifying my intentions and realizing that they actually hold my commitments, opens up a lot more room for creativity. Have you ever given any thought to your intentions? What is one intention that you would like to set? Personally, I’m going with deepening my relationships because I love it so much.

 

 

 

 

photo by: quapan
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Commitment + Accountability = Your Ability to Manifest What You Want in Your Life

September 27, 2012 – 5:41 am

Your ability to manifest the things that you want in your life is directly proportional to your ability to make and keep commitments.

First off,  a commitment is not a goal. A goal is something that you would like to do but don’t necessarily know how you are going to do it. You may have a goal of doubling your income or retiring to your Italian villa or simply being more present but you aren’t quite sure how you are going to get there. 2440885625 39f10edfe01 300x199 Commitment + Accountability = Your Ability to Manifest What You Want in Your LifeA commitment is something that you say you are going to do, that you know you can do, and how to do it. It doesn’t mean that it is easy for you but it means that you have all the information right now required to keep that commitment, otherwise you wouldn’t make it. We make commitments to ourselves all the time, things that we can do, things that we want to do, and many times in the areas that are the most important to us – like our health. So what happens when we keep them and when we don’t?

Let’s say you make a commitment today that you are going to workout three times and the deadline for completion is a week from now. If you get it done, you are going to feel great, confident, and it will put you in a state of feeling like you deserve those bigger goals that you are reaching for. If you do not complete your commitment, you will likely rationalize why you couldn’t get it done or fall back on an excuse. But it requires you to be in a state of not enough to accept the excuse. In some way you didn’t have what you needed to get it done, but remember when you made the commitment you did. So in order to be okay with not doing what you said you were going to do, you have to believe you don’t have everything you need. A place of lack, deficiency, not enough, and you think that feeling just applies to working out and this one little commitment that you made, but it doesn’t, it becomes a general attitude, that works against you, and keeps you feeling like you don’t have enough time, money, support, you name it.

Now that brings us to accountability. Accountability means observation without judgment. It is asking the question, did you do what you said you were going to do? The simple act of allowing others to observe whether or not something got done, creates a context around the commitment. If you get your commitments done, it feels great to share that with other people and in turn it may inspire them. But when you don’t keep your commitments, instead of walking around with a “not enough”  excuse weighing you down, you have an opportunity for growth. You get to look at your actions and ask, what got in my way? In an accountability group you are having this conversation with people that are not invested in what you do or don’t do. They simply look at what you said you were going to do, and what they heard you say about why you didn’t get that done, and give you feedback. It’s a process that can be uncomfortable. No one wants to be the person that didn’t do their commitments, so in way knowing you are going to be held accountable will pull you through most of your excuses, but with the things that you really struggle with, it may not be enough. That’s when growth happens, with your actions or lack thereof under observation, your excuses give way to the truth of what’s stopping you, and you can learn from it.

The better that you get at keeping your commitments the more intentional you can be about your state of mind. You can purposefully keep yourself in a place of “I deserve it”. You feel worthy. This is a high integrity place, it’s a place where you trust yourself, you trust in your word, because you do what you say you are going to do. This is a confident you, this is a you that is open to new opportunities and is willing to take risks. This is a place of abundance and generosity. The better you get at making and keeping your commitments the faster you will manifest the things you want in your life. Why? Because you deserve it. And you know what? You really do deserve it.

 

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growth inspiration

When life gets scary

September 11, 2012 – 9:23 pm

I’ve heard many times the advice about doing things that scare you. Do something that scares you everyday. Face your fears. Hug your monsters. But I’ve never really gotten it. Why do I want to do things that scare me when I’m always trying to avoid them? I’m thinking of this now because something really scary happened to me and there was no avoiding it.  My baby girl had a seizure in my arms last week, and although she turned out to be fine and I found out febrile seizures are actually too common in young children, it scared me like nothing in the world has ever scared me. All the fears I’ve ever had since becoming a parent were condensed into those few moments, real, visceral, life altering, unspeakable, almost unbearable fear. I’ve never been so present and out of my mind at the same time.  Am I different? I think so. Now I’ve known what it is to feel in the moment that I was losing something that I love more than my life. One strange thing about this experience that I’ve noticed – as I settle back into my normal routine and am even able to write this – is I feel like the things that scared me yesterday are not so scary today. They seem silly almost. The things that were holding me back, keeping me small, keeping me hidden – don’t matter. I would gladly take that experience and erase it, have it not have happened, but it did, and I will never forget it, but I will let it make me stronger. And now I’ll hear those phrases  – do things that scare you and hug your monsters, differently – realizing that it’s a privilege to have a choice in the matter. You can choose to do those small things that scare you, that keep you stuck, you can choose to make yourself stronger or you can wait for life to wake you up, but trust me that’s a much more painful way to go about it.

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Serendipity, Preparation, or Both?

August 5, 2012 – 9:24 pm

I love that the word serendipity keeps coming up in my world, for one it’s fun to say, it’s positive and light and reminds me of the children’s series I used to read as a kid. But mostly I love the way it comes out of someone who is feeling bright and happy. Last week a girlfriend of mine used it to describe meeting a handsome stranger who it turns out she had met years before. Yesterday a friendly man that was shopping in the same aisle at Home Depot as my husband and I used it to describe our meeting.

Here’s one definition of serendipity: The occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way.

So as the word was floating around in my mind, I casually used it in conversation with a friend and he quickly fired back with the Louis Pasteur quote, “Chance favors the prepared mind.”

Hmmm…that got me thinking.

The first time my friend met her handsome stranger she was not at all open to a relationship, now years have passed, she’s figured out a lot about her self and life, and this time when he shows up she really sees him. The prepared mind.

We didn’t just happen into Home Depot. We were shopping for a minor kitchen remodel (big item on my Freedom List) when we ran into the friendly man who it turned out fixes up and then sells homes in our area. I had consulted with a designer, two contractors, and done research online and still he made great suggestions that would save us money overall and were in keeping with the style and era of our home. The prepared mind.

At first when my friend mentioned the quote, I wasn’t that happy about the whole prepared mind thing, I thought it made the whole idea of serendipity less fun. But then I started thinking I love it. It’s actually more fun. It makes me feel like doing more of the upfront work and worrying less about outcomes.

I know that if you start, if you just begin, you’ll get the information, meet the right person, be presented with the opportunity. Because it’s not just serendipity, or luck, or chance, or coincidence, it’s you making the movement in the direction that you want to go, and the universe rising up and saying yes, keep going, I’ve been waiting for you.

 

 

 

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accountability inspiration motivation

Accountability Feels Good

June 20, 2012 – 9:43 pm

ACCOUNTABILITY FEELS GOOD. It’s so simple it’s almost silly, but guess what, if I do the things that I say I am going to do, I feel good, I feel powerful. When I feel good about myself, my energy is amazing. I love that feeling of sitting in my powerful place, of knowing who I am, of having confidence in myself. That’s when things really start to get interesting, it’s my favorite place to operate from. I just went through a long phase of having no accountability in my life. I had a new baby and I knew it was not “my” time it was “our” time, so I put aside my commitment worksheets, gave up my personal accountability group, and put my entrepreneurial pursuits on the backburner. For awhile, it was a much needed break from my “normal” life, from being productive to being present, from creating to allowing, but it turns out there is a rhythm to it all. I need to push myself, I need to have the feeling of accomplishment and purpose to feel like myself – to feel I am contributing and that I am a creative force. I want to make choices and decisions, I want timelines and tension. As soon as I reintroduced accountability into my life after the long hiatus, it felt amazing! Having even one person to provide that accountability makes it so much easier to get critical decisions made and to get rid of procrastination. Accountability makes me make my intentions real, and that feels so good.

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Keeping it Fresh

June 19, 2012 – 6:13 pm

I am absolutely phobic about old food. I’m constantly checking expiration dates, I am not a fan of leftovers, I just don’t like things to sit and get old. Gross. Sad too. All that stuff was once good, healthy, fresh, full of vitality. Energy wasted.

I recently realized I was letting things sit too long in my life. I was letting my dreams get stale.  I needed to declare myself! I needed to take action fast!

Step 1: Find some people to tell my plans to. I’ve learned that telling myself I’m going to do something only works sometimes, telling someone else I’m going to do something works better, telling a lot of people I’m going to do something works best.

Step 2: Put an expiration date.  I can’t say I’m just going to do something, I have to say I’m going to do something by x time.

Step 3: Get it done. Whether it’s one week, one day, one minute before x, I will finally do that thing, I will get it done. Why? Because that’s what fear does to me, it makes me procrastinate until I have a choice, let people down or do the thing that I’ve been dreading, afraid of, avoiding, whatever. Ninety-nine percent of the time I’ll choose to do that thing rather than let people down.

Today, I sent out a survey to get feedback on a new training idea. I wrote the survey last week. I finalized it several days ago. I revisited it this morning. Why did I finally send it out? I actually told myself I’d have it out last week (clearly, I talked myself out of that one) but I told somebody else it would be out today by 1pm. It feels great to have it done and out there.

Making your dreams real requires action. What action do you need to take? Who are you going to tell? What’s the expiration date?

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Go for it.

May 23, 2012 – 7:16 pm

I was reflecting on a happy time in my early 20′s.  I was just graduating college. I was on fire. You know the feeling, one of those times in life when you are showing up as your full self and you feel how powerful you are. This was not a typical feeling for me in my early 20′s.  I had a huge challenge in front of me. I was afraid of letting go of the past and facing my future. There was a moment of hesitation and then I made my decision and took action. I went for it and it changed everything in my life. I think we all have these life changers waiting out there for us, windows of opportunity, but we don’t always go for it. Maybe because we aren’t feeling particularly powerful, or maybe because it’s scary, or impractical, but I think it’s also because we have to give something up, which is really hard to do, even if the thing we have to give up no longer serves us. Not only do we have to face fears to get through a new challenge but each opportunity we take advantage of will exact a price, it could be a relationship, a job, a career, an idea, or belief about ourselves. On the other side lies what could be, our potential, so exciting, and so worth it.

I can definitely look back and see the windows in my life, the trick is being open to the ones that are right here, right now. Being in my power so that I’m brave enough to go for it. Look around, is there an opportunity, a change, something that both calls and scares you? What the price? What do you need to let go of? Be brave. Go for it.

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The Costa Rica Land

July 14, 2011 – 3:27 am

When I was 23 years old I travelled to Costa Rica for the first time. I had just graduated college and I was ready for a summer of travel, adventure, and freedom. I planned to stay 2 1/2 months with various friends coming and going based on their schedules and cash flow. My best friend, Karin, and I arrived in the middle of the night in the beginning of July 2000. We called around in the morning to find a rental car and finally found one that fit our budget but it took at least half a day to get it all sorted out. Armed with the “Surfer’s Guide to Costa Rica”, we decided to head up to Playa Grande in the northern pacific side of the country. The car rental having taken most of the day, we didn’t get to our destination until after dark. The town, if you could call it that, was tiny. There weren’t any street lights so everything was pitch black when we arrived and after slogging over dirt roads we eagerly followed the sign with an arrow that said “cold beers”. We ended up at the Lotus Lodge where we found a clean room, cold beer, and good company – a couple of surfer boys (teenagers actually) from Florida. They promised to wake us up in the morning for an early surf and at first light a knock at the door alerted us to hurry up the waves were good and no one was out. We suited up and ran out after them so excited to see the ocean for the first time since we arrived.

The moment the path gave way to the sand and I saw the ocean for the first time, I knew I was looking at something special, but I was too excited to take it all in. The waves were perfect, it was a beautiful sunny morning, and Karin and I had these huge silly smiles on our faces as we paddled out. After we’d caught a few waves the reality started to set in.  I was looking at the green of the mangroves growing up to the white sand beach giving way to the green of the ocean, and I turned to Karin and said “I will come here every year for the rest of my life”. I’ve been a few places, and there are so many more that I would like to see, but that moment something changed in me. I felt an alignment, a perfection, a moment when you know you are exactly where you are supposed to be. I felt alive, really alive, like the beauty of the place had filled me up and I was overflowing. I knew this place would be part of my life forever, and it has been ever since.

Fast forward 11 years. I have been to Costa Rica 10 times. I’ve been from one end of the country to the other and across it. My then boyfriend now husband joined me at the tail end of that first trip and fell as in love with it as I did. We’ve travelled back many times just the two of us, with friends, and with family. We bought two acres of land in 2004 with my mom and my sister and her husband. In 2006 we celebrated our wedding there with 104 of our family and friends. We have taken our 2 year old son twice. We would probably be there again this summer if I wasn’t 7 months pregnant with our second child.

I wanted to write about this because I am excited about our plans for the land and I wanted to put in some background as to why this place and why it’s special. The land we bought wasn’t just going to be for a vacation home. When I stood on the land with my husband for the first time I had a vision for it.  I saw that I could combine many of the things that I love in that one place and share those things with others. That I would train there. That I would bring people together that were looking for a nurturing transformation. That I would build a sanctuary, a place of contemplation, of retreat from the worries and the everyday grind of life, a place where realizations are commonplace, and the energy invigorates the soul and reminds us of the simplicity and beauty of life.

I am thinking of this land and how it’s inspired me, and how the vision I have for it inspires me still.

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accountability accountability groups inspiration

I do what I say I’m going to do, so…

February 15, 2011 – 7:57 pm

I recently started working with a new accountability group. It’s fun to work with a new group because you get to interact with unique personalities and challenges. I am constantly impressed by the people that are drawn to putting themselves in an accountability group – the level of honesty, the self-knowledge, the desire to learn – all there. At the first meeting they set out with some modest and more challenging commitments. By the second meeting some came in with their sheets completed, some not, some had completely forgotten or been unable to do anything on their list. I reminded them that they are building a context around themselves. The context is either, “I do what I say I’m going to do, so I deserve it.”  We meet once a week to take account of whether or not we did in fact do what we said we were going to do, not because it makes our word impeccable although it certainly puts us closer, but because with accountability comes self-respect which breeds confidence and allows us to grow and expand. Then we begin fresh again. I can tell you the ones that did what they said, had a markedly different energy and feeling about them, it inspired me and I believe it inspired the others in the group.

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