Don’t you just love when you are in the flow? It’s like everything you do just works, you feel connected, focused, content. Well I’ve always thought saying that you are “in the flow” or “in the zone” was a way of phrasing a sense of how you are feeling. I did not realize that it was actually a state of being that had been studied. As it turns out the study of “flow” has been around for decades.

In his book, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience (1990), Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi shares years of his research on the subject. He defines flow as, “a state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience is so enjoyable that people will continue to do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it.” He also identifies the elements that are necessary for “flow” as being clear goals, immediate feedback, balance between challenge and skills, action and awareness are merged, distractions are excluded from consciousness, there is no worry of failure, self-consciousness disappears, sense of time becomes distorted, the activity becomes an end in itself.

Daniel Pink, comments on Czikszentmihalyi’s work in his book, Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us (2011) when he writes:

“Most important, in flow, the relationship between what a person had to do and what he could do was perfect. The challenge wasn’t too easy. Nor was it too difficult. It was a notch or two beyond his current abilities, which stretched the body and mind in a way that made the effort itself the most delicious reward”

So why do we want to be in flow? Well anyone who has experienced “flow” knows that it feels good, but also the frequency of time spent in flow is a very strong predictor of happiness. Flow is something that we can actually control. We can consciously choose to increase our experiences of flow. In order to do that we need to be aware of what actually puts us in this state. Then intentionally increase the frequency at which we do those things.

Think about it, what are the things that you do that give you that flow feeling? Is it a sport, something that you do in your work, playing with your kids, walking in nature, dancing? Whatever it may be, make a commitment to do it, if even just one time this week.

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This week I took a strange dive into the world of stroke survival. I happened to pick up My Stroke of Insight by Jill Bolte Taylor. After seeing her interview with Oprah, I thought her incredible story about having a stroke at age 37 was something worth reading. If you find how the human brain works at all interesting, you will love her account of experiencing a stroke and recovering from it especially because of her unique perspective as a Harvard-trained brain scientist. Check out her TEDTalk, it is truly fascinating.

Three things that I thought were really cool.

1) The 90-second rule: Dr. Jill talks about this the post recovery section of the book. Because of how the stroke effected her brain she was able to live without many of the negative emotions that we feel on a regular basis, such as anger, judgement, and fear. As her brain healed and the neural networks began to re-wire themselves she began to experience these old emotions and recognize that she didn’t like these feelings. She shares the 90-second rule, which is that when we have an an experience that triggers a negative emotion there is a biochemical response that happens in our brain. That response takes up to 90-seconds to run through our bodies, for instance in the case of anger, it may cause our heart rate to increase, our breathing to become more shallow, etc. However, anytime we experience the feeling past the 90-second biochemical response, then it is because our brain, particularly our left brain, that has hooked into that response. Essentially that means that after 90-seconds we can make a conscious choice whether to feel that feeling or not.

2) Our cells are dying and regenerating but we have the same neurons forever. That is why over time we can see that our body is changing but we feel like the same person inside. I’ve always wondered why that is and now I have the answer!

3) We can, through intentional and focused effort, re-wire our neural networks. That means we can change our thought patterns. This requires us to inhabit our right brains more often because the right brain is the “observer” side of the brain, versus the left brain which is the “doer”. Dr. Jill was able to fully recover after 8 years by re-wiring her brain and building new neural networks. Her story brings hope to many people that have suffered stroke or other brain injuries, however this piece of her story is applicable to anyone, especially those of us who are looking for ways to evolve and become more conscious. Her advice, like so many others, in order to do this is to come to the present moment, from that place we can choose how we want to feel and what we want to think about or not think about.

This whole book has me embracing my right brain, keeping my left brain in check, and wondering what can we do to activate our right brains more often. Does anyone have “right-brain” techniques, books, resources that they love and want to share? If so please leave a comment below.

This week I got great insight on failure at a talk given by Dom Sagolla, co-creator of Twitter and author of 140 characters. He meant to be telling us about success and innovation but what really stood out to me was what he said about failure. He said that as he went around the world talking about innovation he realized that not everyone has the same viewpoint on failure as we Americans do. Although we may not feel like it sometimes, we have a culture that has an appreciation of failure. This appreciation enables us to take risks, to try new things, to innovate. In essence, we are able to view failure as a source of information, growth, or learning, instead of an endpoint.

I left thinking about the stigma around failure. Realizing there are countries where a person can’t recover from the shame or indignity of failing. On the other hand, we have so many examples to remind us that enduring failure, does not have to be a source of shame, but instead it can be a source of learning, and we can go on to do extraordinary things.

“I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.” ~ Steve Jobs

No one wants to fail. But because we avoid it so intensely we can miss out on doing the things that are important or meaningful to us. Think about your failures, we all have them, and see if you can find the unlooked for lesson, the nugget of learning, and give it a little gratitude. This shift from avoiding failure to appreciating failure makes me feel like dreaming a little bigger, I hope it does for you too.

When I was working on my plan for this year and looking at all the things I wanted to improve in my life I wrote down for the first time ever, get adequate rest. The topic of sleep or lack thereof has come up so frequently in my groups that it has opened my eyes to how many of us struggle with sleep issues. I did not know how common it was to either not be able to fall asleep or to wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to go back to sleep.

I have witnessed week over week commitments around sleep and the benefits of being intentional about getting enough rest. I started to look more closely at my own sleep habits. I became conscious that I was taking for granted my ability to sleep and depriving my body of what it really needs to be at it’s best. I know that sleep is a major part of responsibly managing our energy and I definitely wasn’t managing mine very well.

My habit of staying up too late and getting up early with a couple of young children waking up at odd hours to boot were all taking a toll. Lara Lazaro, my new trainer, and I were having an accountability call where I mentioned my desire to work on getting more sleep. She asked if I ever tried setting an alarm on my phone. I thought it was sort of a funny thing to do but I did it anyway. It’s been about a month now since I started doing this and I have to say it has kept me more conscious than I have ever been about going to sleep. I can not believe what a difference it has made in all aspects of my life to get enough rest. I can’t believe I was sacrificing all the benefits of rest for a few more minutes on the computer or to watch television.

Now when my alarm goes off, I know I’ve got 10 minutes to stop whatever I’m doing and put myself to bed. Since it’s an actual alarm (the sound of bongo drums on my iPhone) it also lets my husband know that it’s time for me to go to sleep which for some reason makes it easier to do. Plus it’s made my morning alarm less of a shock to my system there’s even been a few times that I’ve already been up. I’m finding I’m more productive in the evening because I know exactly how much time I have before the day is over and as an added bonus I’ve made it to a lot more 6am workouts than I would have otherwise.

For those of us that don’t suffer with sleep issues, getting more sleep is the simplest thing we can do to boost our energy. It’s so much easier than eating right, getting enough exercise, or managing our stress but the impact on all areas of our life is huge. I watch my kids and what a wreck they are if they don’t get enough sleep and I think, why have I been doing this to myself for years? As I learned from reading the Slight Edge, the things that make the most difference in our lives, are easy to do and easy not to do.

photo by: RelaxingMusic , Flickr Creative Commons 2.0

A couple of weeks back I went to Big Sur to plan our upcoming retreat with Shauna Lay, my great friend, retreat co-creator, and spiritual teacher. We rented a small cabin on the Big Sur River surrounded by redwood trees. Everywhere I looked there were flowers blooming and the air smelt incredible from it. I knew it was a good idea to get away to plan the retreat but I had no idea what an inspirational trip it would be.

Instead of planning the retreat, we did the retreat, we did yoga, we went through the processes, we meditated, we created visions, we laughed a lot, we laid in the grass and sat in the river. We hiked among redwoods and cypress trees and let the ocean whip our hair around us like we were in a tornado. Everything was growing and it made me realize how energizing being in raw nature is. It makes you feel more alive its almost like you can feel all the life and growth around you. It’s the perfect environment to to ask yourself what you want to create next in your life.

The reason Shauna and I had such an incredible experience wasn’t just because of the place but also because of the work that we were there to do. We were there to create a transformational experience for other people, in doing so we ended up having a transformational experience ourselves.

Living your dreams, trusting in the universe, being willing to do the work, and having the patience to let your life unfold the way it’s supposed to is a labor of love. It takes you loving you and it takes a lot of love and support from the people around you. It also takes putting what you want out there and being willing to back it up with action. The retreat is designed to support each person in their journey and to give you an opportunity to really think about what’s next for you. And that’s what happened to us, we got so excited about where we are at right now and about what’s next we felt like we were buzzing from the energy of it.
Big Love is a phrase I borrowed from one of my oldest friends, Amy Siegal, this is a woman who definitely embodies Big Love. For me Big Love means loving as much as you can, as often as you can, loving when there is nothing else left, and then loving some more. I could not have felt more alive or more in love with life than I was putting together this retreat. I am so excited to share it and the details as they come together. So in the meantime, if you can, get to Big Sur while the flowers are blooming, and Big Love to you.

One day, in the midst of a heated argument with my son, it hit me how much he was mirroring me. In a flash I saw his innocence, his innate sweetness, and how my inability to control my temper was influencing him. It made me profoundly sad. There were many years of my life when I was angry but the truth is I am not angry anymore, but the tendency to get angry is still there. It’s like a rut that I can easily fall into. A pathway in my brain that I have raced down too many times. I have to make a change, now, because anger is not to a trait I want to pass along, especially to my son, if I can help it.

So I made a commitment – I am not going to raise my voice. The first week I broke it right away and countless times after. The second week, I broke it three times. The third week, I broke in once, and I noticed that time, the fear in my son’s eyes when it happened. He was about to accidently hit me in the head with a broomstick, but my reaction was so intense and loud that he wouldn’t talk for a couple of minutes. I realized two things, one how it makes him feel when I raise my voice and two he was getting less accustomed to it, it surprised him. Success! I am getting out of the habit, it motivated me. I’m two days in on week 4 and so far so good.

I had my corporate groups yesterday. Super productive, business-minded folks. Do you know what they talked about most? Raising kids. When to talk, when to take action, how to set boundaries, when to push, when to allow. There was a lot of talk about sports. I was particularly inspired by one man who made appointments in his calendar with his son to throw the ball so that no matter what was going on he was there. That focused time with his son positively impacted many areas of his life including his career. It improved his son’s life, his self confidence, his ability to play the game, and his relationship with his father. Paying attention to our relationships makes them better, us better, and our lives better – it just does.

Hats off to all you awesome parents out there that are doing the work, growing with your kids, loving them, nurturing them, doing the best you can for them. Sacrificing, endlessly giving, cheering on the sidelines, pushing, pulling, and letting go.

I was looking at pre-schools recently for my daughter. I went to the big ones and the small ones. The ones that were all about playing and then learning, the ones that were all about learning and then playing. The one with the passionate leader, part educator, part mother hen, part organic gardner. The one with the dispassionate leader that complained throughout our meeting. All approaching the nurturing of young beings in different ways.

So of course I picked the pre-school that I would want to go to. The one with the toys that I want to play with, the school with the yard I want to play in, the one with the art studio that I want to spend the day in as much at 36 as I would at 3. I left thinking about how fun everything looked. The simple wooden toys, the light tables, the organic garden in full bloom, the treehouse. The glass jars lining the art studio filled with collected household items to be re-imagined by creative young minds particularly inspired me. I thought about them a few times and then I realized I have a set of similar glass jars on my vision board, the one I made for my business, the one I look at everyday in my office. I had an aha moment. I realized that I want to feel about my work the way I want my daughter to feel about her pre-school. Happy and excited to go to work. Inspired. Playful. Interacting with people that I love. Making neat things together.

I have a clear picture of what a great environment for growth, self expression, and learning looks like for my daughter. Now I’m working on making that for me. I never even thought I could or should do that. Why not?

What environment, what feeling, what activities do you like? Touch them, feel them, and remind yourself of them often, because knowing what you want your work to feel like, means you are taking the first step to making your work your playground.

I came across this quote from Dan Millman, author of A Peaceful Warrior, and it gave me an intense feeling of relief. “If you don’t get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don’t want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can’t hold on to it forever. Your mind is your predicament. It wants to be free of change. Free of pain, free of the obligations of life and death. But change is a law, and no amount of pretending will alter that reality.”

I immediately thought over my last few weeks, and how unsettled I felt, how tense and uneasy, almost anxious I’d been and I realized I had been in my mind way too much. But what do you do when you feel that way? What do you do when your mind is your predicament?

I guess on some level I knew Eckhardt Tolle would have the answer I was looking for because I went to a YouTube video of his and I immediately got it. “You are never more essentially yourself than when you are still. Take many conscious breaths throughout the day. Feeling the aliveness of your body from within. That immediately takes away the repetitive and negative thinking.”

So my challenge to you and to myself is to get back to stillness. Start with the breath. It works.

This week I had a conversation that really highlighted the importance of getting super clear around your money. It was such great wisdom from a woman I respect very much that I would like to share it with all of you. She said when you have guilt or shame around money it keeps you really stuck. The feelings could come from overspending, having a lot of debt, not having enough, or not managing what you have well. All sorts of reasons. But the key to getting to the other side of those feelings is to get really conscious around your money. In other words clear up the fog so you can see what’s around the bend. To do that get it down to the penny. Know how much money you have coming in and going out. Know exactly how much you owe. Once you dive into it and get to the point where you know down to the cent what the picture really is, it will empower you. She said that no matter who she worked with around their money issues, and there have been thousands, every time someone got really conscious around their money they were able to generate more!

I love a change in perspective that gets me excited or at least motivated around something that I have resistance to or even dread, like my taxes. Looking at getting really clear around my finances as a means of generating more income does just that, it motivates me and gets me really excited to have total clarity around my money. So after our conversation I started cleaning up my financial house and took care of business. I made sure all my business finances were order and then tackled my personal finances. I even found a great tool – Manilla.com - where I can look at one glance at all my online accounts, bank, credit card, savings, investment, utilities, insurance, travel rewards, magazine subscriptions – it’s like an online filing cabinet! I also found two checks that I had forgotten to deposit so see, it’s already working, getting uber conscious around your money is the perfect way to bring in more of it!